Today I Will Choose Joy – So There!

Every day we have a choice. Choose joy, or sorrow.

Even in the depths of despair, we have this choice.

I have been at the lowest of my low, in a space where I’d given up on life in so many ways, and still I knew, it was up to me to make this choice.

There are times when it can be the hardest choice you have to make – when staying stuck in the pain and the sorrow, the fear and the anger, seems so much easier.

I think there are times like this that we use our fear and anger to protect us from more hurt. Whether we are lashing out at the world or retreating from it, we are hiding, because we’re scared of more pain.

Here’s what I have to say to that. You can run, but you can’t hide. =) (Insert devilish grin here!) Sounds cliche but, oh, so true. Pain, change, death, are all part of life. We cannot avoid it.

Do you see the darkness, or do you look for the light?

Living in the pain and sorrow, and choosing to stay there, is robbing you from the opportunities around you to experience joy.

This is not to say we should not express our sorrow, because that is vital. The only way to get past it, is to go through it.

But, even as we are working through our pain and sorrow, I have found it is always possible to experience joy – in the simplest ways! Sometimes the simple things become magnified, in fact, in this space.

I know it’s hard, trust me, I do. I could be standing in a field of lilies and only see the weeds around me.

But again, this is where we make the choice.

Choose to see that the beauty of life is still happening around you. LOOK for it, ask for it, investigate the world around you for it – make it the scavenger hunt of your life every day to find beauty and joy.

It will make the pain feel less like it has taken you over. It’ll put that pain back in it’s place – as a PART of your life experience, not ALL of your life experience.

Even a tree, empty of it's leaves, can be beautiful sight, in the light of winter.

Today, I choose joy.

How ‘bout you?!

Like this post and share it if you choose JOY today! 

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Photo  ”Today I Choose Joy” courtesy of Epicchristianliving.com posted by Eve, thank you!

Accepting the Unacceptable ~ Finding Peace in the Pain – Part II

Meet my tea kettle. She's broken and beat up, but she's mine & she's beautiful. She is me. Broken and beat-up, but beautiful.

Meet my tea kettle. She’s not pretty, but she does the job.

My tea kettle has been with me a long time – years in fact. She’s moved four times with me, even across states. She heats water for my organic green tea, for my kid’s Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal.

For some reason, I have never wanted to look inside my tea kettle. I’m almost embarrassed to say, I never took off the lid and looked inside her or cleaned her out.

I didn’t want to know what was in there for some reason. I was afraid of what I might find. It seemed much easier to me to simply go on using her, without dealing with what was inside.

The thought crossed my mind awhile back, “I should really look inside and clean it out!” But, I ignored my instinct, thinking, “It boils water, how dirty could it be?”

Yesterday, I had to dump out all the water out, and when I did, large globs of white stuff came sputtering out.

Uh oh.

Time to clean out the tea kettle.

So, this morning, I hesitantly, finally took off the lid and FINALLY looked inside. Look what I found.

Look what happens when we don't take the time to look within...

Immediately, I thought, “Oh no! I’ve been poisoning myself and my family for years giving them water from this kettle!”

In considering that, I unveiled a beautiful metaphor for what we’re investigating here.

If I don’t deal with the build-up of pain within, I’m drinking poison, and feeding it to my family, too.

My dear friend, the same is true for you, and that pain you have bottle up inside. You may not be able to see it from your inside perspective, but I can assure you, your unresolved pain is indeed affecting the health of you AND your family.

I’m happy to report, after a little research, I have not, in fact, been poisoning my family. However, it is definitely not recommended to continue drinking this stuff.

So now, what do I do with this poor tea kettle? Well, to continue with the metaphor, I think I should take some time to care for it, wouldn’t you agree? I think it would be a lovely idea to take a soft, wet rag to it and clean it, so that it can be restored to it’s full grandeur as the Sole Hot Water Provider in our home!

According to my research, however, it may take a little more then a wet rag to clean her up. I’m going to need a few tools such as vinegar and baking soda.  But, that’s going to take some time, and some care, and I might have to get my hands dirty!

Ok, well, what’s the alternative?

Enjoy my tea and oatmeal with globs of chunky white calcium and lime build-up in it or throw out the tea kettle and get a new one.

Seems to me it makes the most sense to start with simply looking inside, and taking the time to clean it out. Sort of like that old saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”

In the same way, take time to look within, see your pain and tend to it. See the tea pot as yourself, and be kind with yourself and the pain within.

I love my tea pot, so I’m going to take care of it. I’m going to clean it out gently and kindly, and I’m hoping, after spending a little time alone with her, I can restore her to her rightful place on that fine back burner on the stove.

Hmmm…maybe once she’s all cleaned up, I’ll even move her to front burner!

I think she might be ready, don’t you?

Might be time to move my tea kettle to the front burner after this!

Accepting the Unacceptable ~ Finding Peace in Pain

Editor’s Note: I’ve made some minor changes to this post, as I prepped Part 2 and new directions unfolded.

When you are facing a hard circumstance, it may feel like a black cloud has settled over you, and you have become one with that cloud. Your life becomes a dark rain storm, pouring down deep drops of sorrow and suffering into your life.

Perhaps you are going through a divorce, a job loss, facing financial issues, feeling the betrayal of a friend, or watching a loved one face an illness.

Whatever it is, it is your battle, and it can feel unbearable when you are at the heart of the pain.

I’ve been in this space countless times. It has become so familiar to me, for awhile I started to think it was me, because it became so hard to see the beauty of life, surrounded by darkness.

“When you are surrounded with darkness, do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a Light unto the darkness…”
~The Little Soul & The Sun by Neale Donald Walsch

Walking this path of loss, I’ve had to work really hard, daily, at making the conscious choice to live in light, instead of darkness.

To do this, I have had to work at embracing the pain of hurts, injustices, or losses that I have not been able to face, from both the past and the present.

People say, “You shouldn’t live in the past!” The truth is, even if your pain started in the past, it is still in your present. It is affecting you every day, whether you see it or not.

Many of us feel we are not equipped to face and embrace our pain. We fear they will be too much to handle.

In fact, it is scientifically proven that unexpressed pain is what negatively impacts our emotional, physical and spiritual health. I experienced this in spades after the death of my nephew. The emotions were so intense, it felt they were impossible to face, so I buried them instead.

It has only been in the last few years of looking at my pain, that I’ve been able to address, accept, and move through that old pain, to find peace.

It’s been hard bringing up the past, but it helped me to be a healthier, more radiantly alive person.

Now, I try to address any negative emotions that come up immediately.

 

We have to resolve the undigested emotions that are buried in our bodies and lodged as stress in our minds. We have to unearth, own, and embrace the very parts of ourselves that have caused us the most pain, and the moment we do, the light of awareness will begin the process of transforming them.
~Debbie Ford, “The Shadow Effect” movie

Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer, they are all the result significantly of chronic, unprocessed inflammatory molecules that have their correlates in the psycho logic world of chronic, unprocessed emotions and experiences.
~Dr. Daniel Bressler, MD, FACP, in “The Shadow Effect” movie

I learned the life-altering negative impacts of ignoring my pain when my nephew died. For years, I was joyless, unhappy, and living in the identity of victim-hood.

Photo courtesy Sunfellow Photography http://www.sunfellow.com/

A dear friend of mine likes to say, “You gotta feel it to heal it!”

I like to say, “You can’t go around it…gotta go through it!”

So, as you are sitting here reading this, I encourage you to gently notice the pain that is lying dormant, or maybe aggressively active, within you. Look at it and begin to see it with eyes of compassion instead of judgement. Can you see how it could dramatically improve your life to deal with this pain, instead of ignoring it? Can you see how this pain has kept you from living a more fulfilling life? 

Be willing to go within and look at your pain. This simple process requires no more then your willingness to participate. You don’t need anyone else to be with you in it. You don’t need any materials (although I do ALWAYS recommend having a good journal and a good book as your close friends AT ALL TIMES!). And, you don’t need to be afraid.

Part II will be posted tomorrow, so stay tuned.

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Thank you for reading, and if you would be kind, make me smile by leaving a little comment. =) It helps me to know what speaks to you, so I can write more on the topics that help you! So, go ahead, click that little comment button below and tell me you were here! You can DEW IT! 

Avoid Having Ulcers: Check Your Pockets

See the fish?

You can avoid having ulcers by adapting to the situation:

If you fall in the mud puddle, check your pockets for fish.

~Author Unknown

“And With This Compost, He Made A Flower Grow”

“If you look deeply at a flower, at its freshness and its beauty,

you will see that there is also compost in it, made of garbage.

The gardener had the skill to transform this garbage into compost,

and with this compost, he made a flower grow.”  

~ from “You Are Here” by Thich Nhat Hanh 

Did Thay (I like to call him that, because that’s what his followers and friends call him, and when he speaks to my soul, I feel him like a friend) say this just for me? Did he see my life and speak it just for my soul to remember it is simply growing?

I’ve been struggling the last couple weeks, just sitting here looking at the latest pile of garbage I’ve been handed, wondering what to do with it. I am always the first to damn the obstacles in my life, no matter how well I know better. I look at them, yell at them, curse at them, shake my finger at them, and then I curl up in a ball and pout ‘til they go away.

‘Cept that just leaves me curled up in a ball, pouting, waiting forever, because I am living proof that an obstacle-free living does not exist.

“You are a gardener, and you have in your hands the power to transform garbage into flowers, into fruit, into vegetables.

You don’t throw anything away, because you are not afraid of garbage.

Your hands are capable of transforming it into flowers, or lettuce, or cucumbers.” 

~ from “You Are Here” by Thich Nhat Hanh 

I think this may be the most beautiful analogy I have ever heard for how I have felt these last few years. I’ve been handed so much garbage. Sometimes I have to sit and look at the garbage for a long time before I remember my ability to turn it into flowers again.

I’ve had to work very hard at reminding myself that I am the gardener. It is so much easier to play the helpless victim, whining, “Poor little me!” in the corner.

It is remembering our power that is so hard. Being willing to step into it, own it, and wield it like a sword, because the Earth was created for us to live fully in it. We are not born to breed a small, pinched existence. Our purpose in this life is to remember our inherent nature as limitless beings.

Thich Nhat Hanh goes on to speak of how flowers and garbage are both organic in nature, that we should not condemn the garbage (anger, fear, sorrow) because it exists in us in the same way love and compassion do.

He’s so right – it’s when we create this duality in ourselves of things we are “for” or “against,” that we create suffering. I look at obstacles and feel against them, and then I reject them, repel them, do whatever I can to make them go away, or pretend they’re not there. That creates my suffering, because I’m living in a constant state of not accepting ALL of what I’m feeling. I don’t like feeling angry and sad so I condemn those feelings. I forget that, as the gardener, it is my job to transform those “garbage” feelings into fruits or flowers. I forget that I know very well, just how to do that – I have, after all, had lots of practice!

The truth is, our anger and sorrow are equally a part of us. They are not ugly or even “good” or “bad.” They are simply the garbage, waiting to be transformed into flowers. They are the necessary compost to our inner garden.

Thay’s teachings on compassion towards our “garbage” have been the most transformative tools for my grief and pain. He teaches us to simply look at the garbage with eyes of compassion. It’s amazing how this simple practice has transformed me out of the pent-up swells of anger, into a place of peace, even as I’m still riding out my hurricanes. I take a moment to go within, and in the stillness and silence, I look at my pain and acknowledge it, softly. Immediately, it begins to break down, just as garbage breaks down into compost.

For the last week or so, I’ve been curled up in that ball cursing the latest obstacles in my life as this recession hands me more lemons upon lemons. Thay’s words today reminded me that I am the gardener, and I’ve already turned so much garbage into abundant corn rows of lilies and blooms!

I have to laugh at it a little because, really, for all the garbage in my compost pile, I’ve got an arboretum of copiously fragrant flowers coming, folks!

~~~

I know you have suffering, anger, hurt and sorrow in your heart, my friend. I hope you can look at them today with eyes of compassion, and remember their beautiful place in the fields of your soul.

That’s why you are here, because you wanted to remind yourself that you are the gardener, too.

Be A Lake, Not A Glass

A beautiful story for you…

An aging Hindu master grew tired of his apprentice complaining and so, one morning, sent him for some salt.

When the apprentice returned, the master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

“How does it taste?” the master asked.

“Bitter,” spit the apprentice.

The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake.

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”

“Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.

“No,” said the young man.

At this the master sat beside this serious young man, who so reminded him of himself, and took his hands, offering:

“The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things . . . Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

~Author Unknown

And The World Spins Madly On…

This is a true story that was shared with me recently. I have omitted last names to respect the family’s privacy, and re-written  to the best of my memory in the stunning of hearing such a moving story. 

Cathy’s husband Gary was one of our twelve. The twelve deaths in three years, I mean. He was like a second Dad to us in many ways. We always felt like part of their family.

Gary was a tall man with piercing blue eyes, a salt and pepper beard, a sort of Sean Connery, get’s better lookin’ as they age kind of handsome. It was the light and the kindness in his eyes that met you first, though – drew you into his, made you feel like family.

When he was diagnosed with Stomach Cancer, I believe it was right around his 50th year. His oldest son was having kids, his youngest was off to College. He told the family of the disease, but never told them, it was terminal. 

He fought it for about a year and a half before he finally passed away, leaving behind his beloved wife Cathy, three children, two grand-children, and a few more “adopted” kids like me.

It’s been almost two years since he  passed.

One day, Cathy was at work and was introduced to a man and a woman. Within seconds of meeting them, the woman stopped the flow of conversation, looked Cathy square in the eye, and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Cathy had never met this woman. She went on to tell Cathy she was clairvoyant, and continued, “I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. He wants you to know he’s with you now, and always. He’s standing behind you, he’s tall, very handsome, has a salt and pepper beard, and piercing blue eyes.”

Cathy’s disbelief turned to faith, as she continued to listen to this woman describe her husband perfectly.

A few minutes later, Cathy’s son walked up, and without introducing him, the woman stood up, shook his hand, and said, “And you, I’m so sorry for your loss, too.” 

As they began talking, she said to Cathy’s son, “I know the hardest thing for you, in losing your Dad, was wishing he could’ve seen your kids grow up.” Danny has two kids, a boy, age 6, and a little girl, age 3. He began to cry as the woman spoke, for it was truly his heart’s deepest ache that his Dad did not live to watch his grandchildren play and grow up.

The woman saw the tears in Danny’s eyes and continued, “He wants you to know, he is here! He watches your kids play all the time! In fact, his favorite spot to hang out is in your living room. He loves to sit in the red velvet chair and watch them play, every day!”

Danny began to weep. Yes, there is a red velvet chair in his living room, right where his kids play every day.

A week later, he was on the floor playing with his daughter and snapped a photo of her on his phone. When he went to look at the picture, he saw something amazing. A giant orb hovering over the red velvet chair watching over his daughter.

The woman finished her conversation with Cathy with a request. “Your husband says there’s something he wants you to do for yourself, something that he used to do for you, and you haven’t done since he passed. Can you think of what it might be?”

Cathy thought hard, but couldn’t come up with an answer. She was still taken aback by this experience, and overjoyed to feel the presence of her husband again.

The woman said, “Well, I’m going to come back in a couple days and ask you. You think hard, and let me know if you figure it out.”

A few days passed, and Cathy wracked her brain incessantly, trying to come up with the answer. What was her husband trying to tell her from beyond the grave? Surely, it was something important! And, if it was so important, why couldn’t she figure it out?!

When Cathy saw the woman again, she asked immediately, “Did you figure it out?” Cathy looked bewildered, “No, I wracked my brain and I just couldn’t figure it out!”

The woman chuckled, “Do you remember how every night before bed Gary would shine your shoes? He wants you to shine your shoes again. You haven’t done it since he left. He wants you to know, it’s o.k., and he’d really like it if you’d do that for him again.”

Cathy began to cry and laugh, all at once. She hadn’t even touched Gary’s side of the closet since he passed, and she hadn’t thought of him shining her shoes, either. But yes, he had done that every night before bed – a little ritual for her. He’d leave them on her side of the closet, ready and waiting for the next morning – a gift for her to start her day.

Cathy and her son may never have believed in angels before, but they sure do now. 

(Thank you to Cathy and her son for giving me permission to share this story here, in hopes it will speak to others.)

This story is a testament to the truth, that our loved ones never really leave us. They simply change forms. I feel my Grandmother’s presence more strongly now then I did when she was alive, and now she’s not so cranky anymore! Tonight, watching this video below, I felt my nephew’s presence strongly again, in a way I haven’t felt in so long. We’ll be coming on up 10 years since his passing soon, but it still feels like yesterday. It’s hard, though, because he wasn’t even three, our time together was so brief, my memories have faded and I often have to reach deeply into the recesses of my mind to pull up the feeling of his soul around me again. I think, though, that I just forget how close he is, really, all the time, and watching something like this reminds me. 

So, for you…a gift…for anyone who has ever lost someone they loved. 

The World Spins Madly Round

This video is for Cathy and Gary, Joy Plastid and the memory of her husband, for everyone here who has lost someone they loved, and in memory of my angels before me. 

Now to finish, one more beautiful thing that was shared with me recently, from beyond…

Megan,
I received this message from “the Universe” soon after my husband’s best friend and our best man committed suicide last year. I pulled it back up recently to comfort myself as the anniversary of his death approaches. Thought I would share it with you.
I especially love the last line, #10, kinda what you have been saying too!

The top 10 things dead people want to tell living people are:

1. They’re not dead.
2. They’re sorry for any pain they caused.
3. There’s no such thing as a devil or hell.
4. They were ready to go when they went.
5. You’re not ready.
6. They finally understand what they were missing.
7. Nothing can prepare you for the beauty of the moment you arrive.
8. Don’t try to understand this now, but life is exceedingly fair.
9. Your pets are as crazy, brilliant and loving, here, as they were there.
10. Life really is all about love, but not just loving those who love you…

In their own words,
The Universe