Have You Lost a Loved One?

Who broke your heart when they left this Earth? 

Was it a parent, a grandparent? A sister, a friend? Was it a a child who began to grow inside of you, a child you held on this earth, a child you loved and lost? 

Was it more than one person – was it many who left all at once? 

Does your heart still hurt when you think of them? Do tears catch you unawares, months, weeks, even years later? 

Have you moved on with your life, yet still, you feel the empty space within that they left, nagging at you – always there – no matter where you go? 

 

Announcing the “Have You Lost A Loved One?” Page

This is a space for you to honor those you have loved and lost. This is your garden, to give acknowledgement to the blooms that rose in your heart, then returned to the Earth.

Please, share your story, in as many words as you like, and use this space to acknowledge and honor all the things you loved about the ones you lost, all the hopes you had for the future that have vanished with their parting, all the sorrow you still feel within as you wake each day to live life without them.

I will be here, reading each one, and doing my best to respond as quickly as possible to each one.

To learn more, share your story, and to honor your loved ones, head over here now. 

Blessings,
Megan

“Expect the Worst” – Good Advice?

News of a family member’s unexpected illness last week sent me into temporary panic waves resembling those of the Indonesian tsunami of ’04.

I have to say, I am getting pretty dang sick of my Mom calling, with that hushed tone and the words, “I have news.” (And she’s probably pretty sick of it, too!)

“Hindsight is always 20/20” – how many times have we heard that line? In the last few years, it’s taken on new meaning for me. It seems no matter the terms or conditions of a loss, I always find something to regret in what I did or didn’t do beforehand.

So, I’ve developed a new preemptive strategy. I have decided to expect the worst. And, I’m saying this with a smile on my face because I believe it’s good advice for myself!

I am all about living in positivity, manifesting joy and abundance in your life through positive affirmations, and everything else I talk about here.

But, when it comes to pondering how much time you may or may not have with a loved one…whether they are perfectly healthy, or fighting an illness, my advice is this: Expect the worst.

Treat every person – every experience you have for that matter – like it has a signed and stamped impending expiration date.

Everything has an expiration date. Expecting the worst grants us freedom to enjoy each person and experience more fully and freely knowing "this too shall pass."

When I received the news about this most recent family member’s massive, debilitating stroke, my first thoughts were for her life, and then, for how much I had been in that life lately.

At Christmas-time I had given The Gift of Time to my loved ones, offering ideas of personalized “dates” together that I wanted to fulfill with each.

My first thought at this news was, “But I didn’t get to have my date with her yet!” Followed by, “Geez Megan, haven’t you learned anything yet about making the most of your time with people? Stop procrastinating! I don’t care how much you have going on in your life, or how many people have died lately, why didn’t you go see her like you promised?!!!”

It was at that moment that I decided this time, I’m going to expect the worst. This time, I’m going to rush to see her as soon, and as often, as possible.

I have to admit, going to visit her is going to be hard. Every time, putting myself in the face of illness and mortality has been oozingly uncomfortable. But, I would rather the discomfort of illness now, then the ache of regret later. Regret lives on after a loss, and becomes it’s own illness in us. I’ve tasted it so many times, I’ve really had enough of it now.

So, I’ve decided that the eternal optimist in me has its place, but so does the ever-so-jaded, reality-based pessimist. Honestly, that damn optimist has tricked me nearly every time. When my Aunt was dying of cancer, it said, “She beat it once, she’ll beat it again!” But, she didn’t beat it, and all those months I was telling myself she would, I was two hours away believing for a miracle instead of at her bed, savoring every last second with her.

My Grandmother was in her eighties, fighting late-stage Alzheimer’s and again, the optimist in me said, “She’s strong, otherwise healthy – she’ll be here for years!” When she suffered an unexpected stroke, I felt bruised and betrayed by that damn optimism. I would have treasured pessimism much more if it had forced me to her house a few more times those last couple months, in fear of impending doom.

If I had expected the worst every time, I would have had a lot more of just that – time, with each person. The plain truth is…if I’m too abundantly sanguine about a person’s health and longevity, I’m more likely to take them for granted.

So, my optimism can come along for the ride and hope for a speedy recovery for this one, but it’ll have to come hand-in-hand with pessimism. I’ve decided a healthy fire stoked under my rear is probably the better burn to feel now, then the painful sting of regret later.

Forgive me if I sound morbid, but, dear, dear, dear ones, this is it right here – this is why facing the discomfort of the impermanence of all things, sooner rather then later, empowers you!

Every moment is a death – life is always changing, there is truly nothing to hold onto in this life, that will not eventually slip away. This is not morbid – it is acceptance of the now, of reality, and that is freedom! It helps us treasure the moments we have now fully. Empowered by an awareness of impermanence, you can savor each moment more deeply.

“It is very useful to keep our concentration on impermanence alive. You think the other person in your life is going to be there forever, but that is not true. That person is impermanent, just like you. So if you can do something to make that person happy, you should do it right away. Anything you can do or say to make him or her happy – say it or do it now. It’s now or never.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh, “You Are Here” 

“Expecting the worst” doesn’t mean you end up living in morbid, worst-case scenario fright 24/7 – it means you live in eternal gratefulness for each moment, because you now know, each moment is truly a gift.

I am currently living in my fifth home in three years. Letting go of the first one was most painful – now that I’m in the fifth one, I hold it loosely. I enjoy it for what it has while I’m here, and also rest in a knowing that it could easily change. I expect the unexpected now, and this grants me abundant freedom.

I adore the elders in my family, and they adore the little ones in mine! We try to make the most of every minute we have together & fill our moments with lots of giggles!

The same applies to my loved ones – it’s good to expect the unexpected to ward off potential regret, but at the same time, I hold my loved ones loosely, knowing I have no control over when they leave this earth, and I can only do my best to enjoy them fully while they are here.

The many death experiences I have had have granted me the gift of understanding impermanence, of enjoying everything “for a season.” Grant yourself the freedom of holding life loosely! Enjoy every person and experience as though it were sand slipping through your fingers…wonderful to feel as it comes, and goes.

Update: I went to visit this family member just after writing this, and seeing her determination to regain her mobility, her dedication to living in the present moment, and her positive attitude, moved and inspired me. Seeing her was a gift to me, not just her. I am so glad I went, and I will go back again soon! It wasn’t easy seeing her so changed, but I felt like I’m starting to live up to my “Gift of Time” with her now, and we still plan to have that “date” soon.

You Win…A New Car! (Really!)

This week, I’ve been rolling down a rowdy river of abundance, and so I decided it was time to stop and take roll call on the gratefulness gravy train, and pay it forward…by sharing it with you.

Please excuse me, because I think I’m about to start sounding like an overzealous car salesman here. I can’t help but overuse exclamation points – looking back at the last couple weeks, I really have to be exuberantly thankful, which requires prolific use of exclamation points and capitalization!

In the last two weeks…

I was GIVEN a new car at a fraction of the cost of my old one!
I was GIVEN hundreds of dollars worth of free groceries, and coupons for more!
My utility bills were paid in full for this month and next!
I received a new cell phone I needed (because my son keeps taking my phones for swims) for FREE.
I was GIVEN a shopping spree for my entire family.
And, this is just the tip of the iceberg!

I highly recommend this book. I hope I don't sound too pentecostally charismatic when I say, IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE! It has, really!

I have been reading (and re-reading) Catherine Ponder’s “Open Your Mind to Receive,” a gift from a dear friend who attributes a great deal of her success to this book.

Two of the main principles I’ve been practicing are:

1. Release your attachment to people, places and stuff and,
2. Giving is the first step to receiving. (We’ll discuss this one more in a later post.)

I’d like to tell you about how powerful the art of release has been in my life, as it’s been a sort of a “piano practice” for me these last few years in the midst of the throws of this lovely Recession.

“The act of release is one of your most effective forms of opening your mind to receive. [It] frees you from tightness, tension, and grasping…[and] helps you to become an open, receptive channel through which the intelligence of the Universe can flow to you…”
~Open Your Mind to Receive, pg. 26

Since I started reading this book, I’ve been practicing my own abridged version of one of her suggested affirmations.

I release my attachment to all people, places and things of the past or present. I manifest my true place with true prosperity now.

At first the idea of saying such a thing sounded absolutely ludicrous and outlandish to me. I started into this section of the book thinking, “I’m a perfectly content self-confessed co-dependent! I don’t want to release anything!”

But, then my dear friend, RECESSION came along and, like it or not, he started bush-whacking these lovely lessons on the art of releasing into me.

I used to hold on to my stuff, my people, and my little Linus’ blanket of materialistic paraphernalia I thought life and happiness required of me, so tightly, I nearly killed myself trying to grip it all as it slipped away.

It's just STUFF! Release and receive, release and receive!

When I started releasing, and releasing some more, and then a little more, I discovered a priceless gift this insidious friend, Recession, had given. That gift was freedom.

Remember? “The act of release frees you from tightness, tension and grasping.”

Oh the things I have released now! Homes, cars, jobs, people, places – you name it!

Catherine Ponder goes on to explain that this act of release frees us from negativity. I can see that now – because I no longer feel imprisoned by an attachment to people, places or things. If it’s not working for me anymore – if it’d serve me better to release it, sell it, give it away, or let it go in some way – I happily proceed forward. Here’s why:

“Elimination of something from your life is always an indication that something better is on the way.”

I could throw out countless stories to illustrate this point in my life (ah yes, that’s what the book I’m writing is for!). For now, I’ll just share my one most amazing recent illustration.

A few weeks back, I was imprisoned by a car payment that was no longer serving me, for a car that needed new tires, brakes, and maintenance I couldn’t give it. I’ve been repeating this affirmation daily:

I am now receiving. I am receiving now. I am receiving all the abundance the Universe has for me now.

But one day, as I was driving said maintenance-challenged SUV, I just looked up at the sky and made my request a little more direct:

“This car needs work, Universe! Ok, I’m trusting (insert gritting teeth here) that I am already receiving all the things I need for this car. So there!”

And, yes, I did stick my nose up at the sky with confidence at that last part!

In making this rather direct request, I tried to keep my mind open, just as Ponder suggests, to receive in any way possible, not just the ways I could foresee.

TWO WEEKS later, I RECEIVED a phone call out of the blue, offering me a car at a fraction of the cost of my car!

At first, I laughed at the sky, for fulfilling my request in a way I could not have foreseen. Then, I found out this new car had brand new versions of everything I’d been lacking in the old one – brakes, tires, etc. I knew it was the Universe replying – ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE, my dear!

Bye, bye, old car!
(Not that's not really my old car, stalkers! Just trying to illustrate the point!)

To receive the new income, I had to release my old car, and any ideas I had about what kind of a car I wanted. Then, I got something, “BETTER!”

“Better” is not always, bigger, grander, more expensive or wonderfully ridiculous. Sometimes “better” is “smaller and more affordable.” “Better” may serve my heart more then my pocketbook, or serve my pocketbook more then my ego!

The art of release can be a painful one sometimes, but only when we try to grasp the things we need to release. If we are willing to open our minds to receive, and release our limitations and expectations on how exactly we should receive, we create an open channel for abundance to flow into our lives.

So, hop aboard your own gratefulness gravy train – grasp everything in your life as tightly as sand slipping through your fingers, and watch your “income” turn from a fight to a flow.

Let go, release, and receive! I dare you to try it!

(And to that special anonymous car-donor – you know who you are – thank you for sharing your abundance! You’ve got great car-ma comin’ your way. Sorry, couldn’t resist the pun.)

P.S. I’m compiling some first-hand testimonials on the Release and Receive concept and how it’s worked for others. Do you have a story you could share? Have you released, and received something unexpected? Leave a comment below, and your story might be featured in a future episode of the Gratefulness Gravy Train!

Dear Blogiverse: Hello…and Congratulations

"The World Revs Its Heat Engine" Photo credit: from NASA on Flickr, no known copyrights exist

Hello, 

Nice to meet you.

Thank you for greeting me so warmly.

I’ve recently begun my own WordPress Blogiverse journey, and find myself to be quite content here in the WordPress hemisphere, because, well, you guys are awfully nice. I love meeting bloggers from all sides of the globe, and I’m thankful for my “homeroom” WordPress peeps!

I feel like I’m now a part of something - part of a rare community of self-expressing abandoned minds and insightful hearts. We all seem to share a common trait – we’ve got words stirring within which we’re compelled to expel at least 1-5x a week! So, we are joined in our self-expelling!

But, what really gets me is this: I talk, and you talk back! Huh?! What?! 

Some of you are even following me, connecting with me, and I’m connecting with you, too! Yes, the WordPress Blogiverse simply…ROCKS. 

Isn’t it a wonderful thing to have a space to write your world, and know that probably, someone somewhere out there is going to read it?

Photo courtesy of http://www.fromthebungalow.wordpress.com "Blissfully Bald" Freshly Pressed post

From My Blogs Giving Me the Finger to Blissfully Bald: Why My Wife & I Decided to Shave our Heads, Coming out of the Bloset to Brain Dead…Take her off Life Support…what a wonderful little Blogiverse we have here, wouldn’t you agree?!

Add in Grim Reaper Girl – Part 1, or two (yup, that’s me) and thousands more self-expressing word-ists joining daily, and what have we got?

Well, seems to me, that we,  in our totality, are encouraging a bit of…diversity! Some home-grown validation, connection and acceptance..all at once.

Wow, congratulations to you Blogiverse and fellow blogging bloggers and readers! You are bringing a warring world to inspiring peace, one well-chosen word at a time.

Now, I leave you with the Stars Wars anthem (duhn duhnn…duhn duhn duhn duhhhhhnnnn duhnnnn…) probably zinging round your head...as you venture back to your bit of the Blogiverse, boldly going where 445,814 other bloggers have gone today! 

Keep up the good work, and thanks for taking me along for the ride!

Yours truly,

Recent WordPress Inductee, Megan Aronson

P.S. If I haven’t met you already, please introduce yourself below so we can unite within our divine little Blogiverse!!!! LOL!