My MOST Amazing Story Yet – Part 3

In September of 2013, I kicked my husband of 10 years out of our home after I discovered the severity of the addiction he’d been fighting for years. I was left a single mother to three children under age six for nearly three months while he went to rehab. I didn’t want to believe he’d get better so I started planning a divorce, but even while we were apart, my husband held onto the belief that God would give us “a life beyond our wildest dreams.” Part 3, the final chapter, continues here…

Part 1     Part 2

“A Life Beyond Our Wildest Dreams”

How do you create “a life beyond your wildest dreams” out of a broken home, broken family, broke bank account and hollow well of faith?

You don’t.

You just let go, and let God.

You show up and suit up to healing and grieving, feeling and dealing with the pain between you and another person. You ask your higher power every single day to take away your anger. You sift through the rubble of your marriage, your heart, your broken dreams, your feeble spirit and tormented mind, and you decide what stays and what goes. Then, piece by piece, you rebuild, from the bottom up, from the soul to the surface, from the heart to the home. And along the way, you damn well better believe in miracles if you want to see them show up.

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Yes, Kory went to rehab, and in spite of all my doubts, he found a way back to himself, and back to me. And I, to him. It was when I finally figured out that my hatred and anger were aimed at the disease of addiction, not Kory, that I was set free to learn how to forgive.

I don’t know how we did it. I don’t think WE did it, actually. Because, really, just in all of our raw humanness, I think it might have been absolutely impossible for two people who hurt each other so much to ever forgive. But, 10 years after that first magical fairy tale “love at first sight” night at a karaoke bar, we fell in love again, and this time, with all of each other. This time we chose to embrace the beauty, the brokenness, the hurt, the shadows, the selfishness and the pride. We granted each other “Get Out of Jail Free” cards. And, we didn’t do it by burying the past, but by walking right back through it, step by step.

There’s so much to tell between then and now, but here’s the happy ending to the story. There’s no escaping the trials and tribulations of life and death and everything in between BUT, there is this:

God gave us back to each other and that was our “life beyond our wildest dreams,” because having each other, truly having all of each other now, to bear witness to joy and pain and love and family with – that was the greatest gift.

Oh, and God also gave us another baby. Wait until you hear that story! That’s a really good one. And, Kory had his best year ever at work the next year. We paid off so many debts, and actually finally for once had this amazing thing called: A SAVINGS ACCOUNT with actual real money in it (and not just the required minimum to keep the account open)! We went on our first ever family vacation, and then another. We went back to the little Church that had taken up donations so we could have Christmas that year, and I spoke to them and said thank you and we all cried together at the miracle of us.

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We went back to Kory’s Rehab Center on the one year anniversary of his sobriety and I stood next to him, 7 months pregnant, and watched a room full of newly recovering addicts and alcoholics stare at me in stunned anticipation as we shared our story. A woman in the front row began weeping when I finished, “If you feel like you’ve lost everything, maybe even your family, please know, miracles are always possible if you believe.” Afterwards, addicts and their loved ones approached us with tear-stained cheeks, and told us we gave them hope again when they most needed it, and that made even the darkest of moments we had suffered through a little bit worth it.

Kory has been sober ever since, replaced his addiction with a love for the gym, and gained 50 lbs. of muscle. He is now a very present, tender, loving, empathetic, and inspiring person, co-worker, husband and father to my children in ways I could never even have imagined. And just typing that makes me cry, because I used to cry in the shower day after day, wishing for exactly what I have now: real, honest, gritty, tender, precious love, and life.

I have never felt more courageous than I did that Fall. I have never felt more like a warrior for truth. My surrender became my salvation, and within me I found a power I never thought I had. Years of being married to an addict left me deeply scarred. I am still in “recovery,” just as Kory is. But, because we actually faced all the pain and the hurt head on together, I was able to heal more quickly than I could have imagined, and move forward into the life of our dreams.

Our children are so resilient, a few months later, once Daddy was home, it was like it never happened. One day, they will hear our story and know that we are not perfect, and they don’t have to be either. I hope that frees them, and makes them proud of how their parents fought for us.

Life is never a happily ever after, but we like to believe that ALL things work for good in our lives. It’s not always easy. The last two years have proven that. Money comes and goes. Sickness comes and goes. Postpartum depression has rocked our world most recently in ways we could never have imagined. But, we hold onto each other a little more tightly now, and we love a little harder now for how we had to fight to get here, and we kiss a little more softly now, for the thought that we almost lost all of this.

We try to savor the ordinary moments and we try to make each other laugh when all we want to do is cry at the hardness of life sometimes. It’s all crazy and scary and beautiful, too. It is our “strength, hope and recovery,” in the making, and our happily ever after is simply this: that we get to do it all together, and that in spite of our best efforts to screw it all up, God made a miracle of us and our little family.

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Excerpted from my book, “The Bold Grey: Shifting Gears from Surviving to Thriving.” ©

© Copyright Megan Aronson 2015

The Bold Grey – My Book, and Yours

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As many of you know, I’ve been working on several books over the last few years. The one that has taken up camp in my heart most recently is the one I ALMOST lost this week then miraculously found! Now it’s even more special to share with you because it’s 52,000 words (so far!) of MIRACLE! My working title for it is The Bold Grey. It’s my story of fierce WARRIOR living through the last 2 years. Yes, I am finally going to share what’s happened since I went “dark” 21 months ago, and I hope you’ll be inspired by what you read.

I’ve decided you’re going to help me write this book! Are you up for that?! I don’t want to do this without you. I need your feedback on what you want to hear more of as I go. Your likes will be votes for chapters and titles, segues and story lines. Together, we’ll write this story that I have been so scared to tell because it’s equal parts HARD and AMAZING.

So, it begins now, our journey together, with a short excerpt below on the meaning of the title, The Bold Grey. Watch my blog and Facebook for more excerpts coming very soon. And, hey, you know, this is a little terrifying for me, so if you feel so inclined as to cheer me on a with a little, “Ra Ra shisk kooom baaa!!!” or a like or a comment saying, “You can DEWWWW IT!!!!” I would gladly accept your happy cheers. Love you.


Excerpt from THE BOLD GREY
© Megan Aronson 2015

sit in darkness

It’s only those of us most willing to sit in the darkness – sometimes without a light – who can find the gold that lies deepest within the caverns of this being human.

So, to some I look a little crazy. I look a little dark. A little worn. A little raw and naked and messy.

But, it’s only because I’ve chosen a life with not one second un-lived. I feel every ounce of life deeply. There is no superficiality in my life. I can’t walk next to those who’ve never seen the darkness. They don’t get me. They don’t get it. They haven’t seen what I’ve seen. I’ve been to both ends of the spectrum, and everywhere in between. I see life in BOLD LIVING COLOR now. I see beyond the black and white definitions so many seek – I see the grey – the daring grey, the BOLD GREY, where life is truly lived. No ground beneath our feet. No sand between our toes. No certainty of the future. No promises of tomorrow.

And I boldly declare that scary grey space as mine – willingly stepping again and again into the next uncertain.

To you, whoever you are, reading this, all I’m asking for is this.

Seek to understand me. Seek to understand yourself through me. Seek to understand those around you.

I am tired of walking this road alone.

My commitment to life is this – to embrace ALL of it fully. I do not shun the dark, the ugly, the crazy, the messy, because those are exactly the parts of me, and the parts of this journey that make it worth living, that bring me to the greatest mountaintops to see the grandest vistas beneath. Come, walk with me, on this journey through the bold grey.


© Megan Aronson 2015

Dear Mama, You Are Not Alone (READ THIS)

NOT ALONEThe support of other Mothers through all of life’s transitions and struggles has been weighing on my heart heavily lately. I’ve just come through an extremely difficult pregnancy and postpartum period after my 4th child, and I have to admit, I had a really hard time asking for help even when it was a matter of life or death. I hemmoraghed after the birth, then after several weeks, I realized it really wasn’t actually normal to still be in excruciating pain every day. Unknowingly, I’d developed a life-threatening postpartum uterine infection. Yet when my Meal Train ran out and I secretly wished for another, and my husband went back to work, and my Mom went home, I braved four children alone and in pain…because the world taught me not to ask for help. The world taught me I’m only a strong Mother if I go it alone.

The REAL face of Motherhood somedays, right?

The REAL face of Motherhood somedays, right?

I called my husband day after day in tears, sobbing, “I can’t do this.” Soon enough, going it alone brought me to a new level of drowning. A slow and sinking numbness began to set in, called postpartum depression. It was a dark and ugly beast that took up camp in my body. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, my sleep deprivation and overwhelm only fed the beast. And you know what fed the beast best? It’s favorite meal was my, “I need to keep bearing this cross alone,” attitude.

One night, I finally broke. I sat my parents and my husband down in my living room and I shook their bodies with my eyes instead of my hands.

“I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE ANYMORE. PLEASE HELP ME,” I pleaded.

It wasn’t easy, but after that, we all found a way to fight the beast together. We did everything we could to make sure we weren’t feeding it. It was hard – I had to ask for help a LOT as illness after illness came. I spent a week in the hospital on hard-core IV antibiotics, then we all caught every flu bug, virus, cold known to man for 7 months straight. Dealing with so many illnesses and caretaking sick kids all while fighting “the beast” was a a monumental task, to say the least. I know one thing, without a doubt, I could not have done it alone.

Now, I’m sitting here, nearly 7 months postpartum, finally feeling like more like myself again, finally feeling joy again, writing this to you, able to say I’m ok now, and you want to know why?

Because I asked for help. And I let myself take it. Again, and again. And not just when it was dire, but when I just needed a smile or a friend, too.

mother the mothersI believe that if we want to change the state of our world, we have to start with the Mothers. We have to change the way we mother our mothers and we have to change the way we allow ourselves to BE mothered as mothers.

We know we need to take better care of each other when we look at the nightly news and hear the stories of Mamas who’ve left their babies in cars, driven them into lakes, drowned them in bathtubs, committed suicide in the midst of postpartum depression, or abandoned their babies because it was all too much – we KNOW something has to change, right?! We know this old paradigm is NOT WORKING ANYMORE. We have let those Mamas down, ladies! We have let them slip through OUR fingers – yes, yours and mine. We have forgotten to tell them somewhere along the way, that even though we are drowning, overwhelmed, and overdone ourselves, they are not alone, and it’s ok to ask for help!!!!!!!!!

We have to TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER, AND OURSELVES.

We must be warriors, warriors of “Compassion In Action.” Compassion In Action is showing up in a Mama’s life because if you don’t, she will drown. It’s showing up in a Mama’s life even when she’s only kind of drowning, just to give her a hug or a hello because without this compassion, she will turn into a harried, overwhelmed, angry/sad/lost Mama, and that’s not good for anyone, because these Mamas can’t feed their baby’s souls. These Mamas can’t feed their own souls. And babies and Mamas who don’t get soul food grow up to be angry, sad, lonely, depressed, vengeful, or empty. Those are not the qualities we need to plant into our world. We have enough angry, sad, lonely, depressed, vengeful and empty in the world already, don’t we?

We were not put on this Earth to go it alone. When our culture shifted from villages to single family homes, we lost our sense of community – the sense of community we were designed to live and coexist within. We were designed to be an interdependent species. We depend on the land to feed our bodies, plants and animals to sustain our physical growth, and friends and family to sustain our physical, emotional and spiritual needs. This is why we get married. This is why we have babies. Because we need others. We were biologically designed to NEED OTHERS. But, here in America especially, somewhere along the way we got the idea that the image of a “good Mother” is one who doesn’t need help, who doesn’t need anything from others, who is “so strong” she can do it all. I call B.S. on that thinking. It takes courage to ask for help, to admit you can’t do it all and most importantly, SHOULDN’T do it all ALONE.

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I am and you are me. Moments like this, when we’re up to our eyeballs in the hardest parts of it all, we need to know we’re not alone, we need tell other Mothers they’re not alone, too.

We have all at some point needed to know we were not alone. We have all at some point needed help. And because of that, we know how important it is now, to show up for others.

I think if we’re ever to shift the collective thinking, we have to start with ourselves, and then each other. Ask yourself right now, are you really willing to ask for help and receive it? Are you willing to ask for help even when things aren’t dire – when you’re just overwhelmed, overstressed or overburdened? Why or why not?

I think if you’re honest, you might reply something like one woman I know in a Postpartum Support Group who said, “I will avoid asking for help at all costs.” Wow.

I think her comment speaks to how so many of us feel. It is TERRIFYING vulnerability to admit we cannot be everything to our kids. But, here’s the thing, Mamas, we CANNOT BE EVERYTHING TO OUR KIDS. Do you get that? We send them to school because we know they can teach them something maybe we can’t. We send them to ballet, to soccer, to summer camp, because we know they can give them something we can’t. We send them to Grandma’s house for a weekend, on a playdate with Daddy and the Uncles, because we know they can give them something we can’t.

We cannot be the village. We can only be part of it.

Our children benefit by us NOT going it alone. They benefit from every single person we bring into the village. They benefit from every weight lifted off our shoulders that gives us more strength to carry them with now. They benefit from every hour we give ourselves without them to just BREATHE and remember what it feels like to be ourselves, not just somebody’s Mother.

And we can’t just ask for help when we are desperate, Mommas, because then we think then it’s justified. We can’t only ask for the Meal Trains, rides for the kids, carpool exchanges, and playdate swaps when someone has DIED or been born. We have to do it all the time. Want to know why?

Because then…we are helping others as much as we are helping ourselves. Everyone wins! Everyone wins! Our kids get happier Mommies. Our friends gets relief. We get relief. The people who help us feel joy, we feel joy. We ALL breathe a little easier every single day because we know someone’s got our backs – and not just someone, but a bunch of someone’s.

We have to be warriors, Mamas. We have to Mother other Mothers. We have to earn their trust, let them know it’s ok to let us into their lives and their homes to help them. We’re not judging them. We’re just giving what we know we will one day need and receive ourselves.

See these meals? These are the meals it was SO hard to ask for when I got enterovirus at 39 weeks pregnant and knew I needed to nourish my body before birthing. They saved my life and my baby's. Really. They did. They gave me strength to bring her into the world and they came from another Mama just like me.

See these meals? These are the meals it was SO hard to ask for when I got enterovirus at 39 weeks pregnant and knew I needed to nourish my body before birthing. They saved my life and my baby’s. Really. They did. They gave me strength to bring her into the world and they came from another Mama just like me.

TAKE WHAT YOU NEED. That’s what it comes down to. Don’t worry about if, when, or how you’ll get what you need. Just take what you need. Just ask, then say thank you, and take what you need. It’s a back and forth dance that makes us all equally vulnerable and courageous when we do it together, NOT ALONE.

It is time to abandon the old paradigm. But the question is how? Each of our hearts has in it a special place for supporting other Mothers and that’s why we’re here, right? But the question is how? How do we show up for others and help them when we aren’t willing to ask for help ourselves? Or when others aren’t willing to receive it, or both? How do we shift the paradigm?

Here’s how. I’m going to give you a road map with ACTIONABLE TOOLS. You will read this and when you finish you will know exactly HOW to start throwing out safety nets for the forgotten mothers who feel alone in their struggles right now. You know the ones, the ones who feel JUST LIKE YOU HAVE FELT AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER.

#1 TAKE THEM BY FORCE

We need to force our way into other women’s lives when they need us. I mean it! It may sound bad, but it’s true. Just like in my last post, we have to knock on the door and then keep knocking until they let us in. We have to be warriors of compassion who stand in the faces of other women going through transitions in their lives – be they deaths, divorces, births or babies, behavioral challenges, illnesses or just plain overwhelm! We have to stand in the faces of other Mothers, see them as ourselves, and gently, compassionately, boldly tell them, “We are here to help and we’re not leaving until you give us something to do.”

We have to take care of each other as much as we take care of our children. We have to take care of ourselves as much as we take care of our children.

This is the only way we can begin to shift the paradigm of this “strong woman = lone warrior” crap. We can be warriors of compassion. Like Glennon Doyle Melton says, WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.

other mothers 2#2 ASK FOR HELP YOURSELF 

The next thing we can do is ask for help, and let other Mothers SEE our willingness to do so. We can LIVE our belief that COMMUNITY is more important than INDEPENDENCE by willingly letting the world see us asking for, giving and receiving help. This grants other Mothers permission to do the same.

So, quit putting on your best face for Facebook and the rest of the world. Let them see the harried mess in all it’s beauty. Your courage gives other Mothers permission to be themselves, to own their messes and beauty. You showing your true face, not your best face, SCREAMS to other Mothers, “YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DO!!!”

This is terrifying, I know, because there are those “judgers” out there. So, you know what you do? UNFRIEND THE JUDGERS! Or, stand in the convictions of your courage for a new paradigm. Stand for what you know to be true. Think of Mothers like me, who literally would have DIED had they not asked for help, and STAND FOR ME, and all the other Mothers, the forgotten ones we let slip through our fingers.

#3 START TALKING (Well, that’s easy, talking is one thing we Mamas are really good at!)

We need to start dialogue like this, start asking ourselves and each other questions. How can we do something different now? How will it look? What do we, the collective we and the individual we’s formed between groups of friends and strangers in our communities, do when we hit a bump in the road? How do we adapt and make changes until we teach all of ourselves how to Mother the Mothers again? Start a conversation in your Mommy groups, on your blogs, in your churches, at your book clubs. Start talking about why we’re all so terrified of asking for help, and start telling – no SHOWING – every Mother you see, TO TAKE CARE.

11212779_10153340473319113_4425297987442353630_nDear Mama, Mama, Mama, I know how hard it is to ask for help, and sometimes, even, to give it. I know you are overwhelmed, tired, busy, stressed, and burdened, too. But, Mama, I don’t want you to be alone anymore – whatever it is you’re doing, I don’t want you GOING IT ALONE anymore. Stand with me for our togetherness, now.

Now, I dare you to share this. I dare you to post in on all your social media pages and MAKE IT GO VIRAL. Not for me, for YOU, and all the other Mothers in the world we need to take better care of. I don’t want to stand alone anymore. Will you stand with me, too? (and now I’m crying. Love you, beautiful Mama.)

How To Save A Life or “Send Donuts, Legs & Umbrellas, Please!”

"No One Fights Alone" is the mantra for Brain Cancer warriors. I think it should be a mantra for life.

“No One Fights Alone” is the mantra for Brain Cancer warriors. I think it should be a mantra for life.

Written 5-15-15

I have so much joy in my heart today. I am beyond blessed. I am so grateful for my family and friends, the heroes in my life, the lovers and fighters who I see braving their own battles fiercely each day.

When times get really tough we have to look even harder for joy. Sometimes the best way to create joy when you’re drowning is to throw someone else a rope. A random of act of kindness, a pot of soup for a sick friend, a random doughnut delivery on a rainy day.

Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Carry On, Warrior and founder of Momastery says, “We belong to each other.” More than anything, these last few years of hardship have taught me that. And I know it’s not just me feeling it! Everywhere I look I see strangers and friends all fighting really insane battles right now. Divorces, moves, financial upheavals, breast cancer, brain cancer, special needs children, you name it.

frodo-and-sam_38056_1I think these crisis’ are happening to collectively shift us back into a culture of basic human interdependence. We have to take care of each other!!!! It unites us!!! It empowers both parties – the giver and the receiver! It creates a give and take that threads us all together as netting beneath the trapeze dances we’re dancing. Every single one of us at some point has needed to be reminded we are not fighting alone! Truly, we can’t go it alone, and we SHOULDN’T go it alone.

When we see someone drowning we should fight our way into their homes and hearts to let them know they’re not alone. A few amazing women have worked hard to let me know I wasn’t alone the last couple years and they have taught me how to be a better friend. My friend Corina is a great example. After our daughter Kama was born in November, some of my friends set up a Meal Train for us where one family brings a homemade meal each day for a couple of weeks. Around here, Meal Trains are standard. I love that about my community.

Baby Kama and I 5 days after her birth - Photo by Three Little Foxes Photography

Baby Kama and I five days after her birth – Photo by Three Little Foxes Photography

So, my friend Corina saw our Meal Train pop on Facebook one day, and not even knowing me decided to contribute. She brought a beautiful meal and secretly hoped knocking on my door would lead to a new friendship. She knocked that day, and she kept on knocking for months. She dropped the meal off when I was in bed recovering from hemorrhaging after the birth. Then, she came back to pick up her dish when I was in bed recovering from a week in the hospital with a life-threatening postpartum uterine infection and the whole house had the flu. Then, she came back and brought us chicken soup when we all got yet another round of the flu. 2 days later, she texted me, “Had a little more soup leftover, thought you could have it for lunch today. Mama’s gotta keep her strength up!”

She had no idea I literally felt like death for 7 months straight, that I’d faced a life-threatening illness in the hospital for a week, that I’d had only about 6 days without a cold or flu in the house over the last 7 months, and that I was also suffering from severe postpartum depression and anxiety. She just kept showing up because her heart told her to.

Because of that, we now have a beautiful friendship, which fills both our hearts with joy. She has become one of my greatest friends and teachers. And you’ll never believe it. Once I finally had a chance to open the door and let her in, we realized we had something pretty amazing in common. Remember Dana, from Safeway?

She’s his daughter.

WHO. WOULD. HAVE. THOUGHT?!

We had no idea.

But, I’m not the least bit surprised. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

My BFF Ashley and her son Kayson

My BFF Ashley and her son Kayson

Corina, and people like my BFF Ashley have taught me how to really “show up” for others. Today, Ashley is home with her special needs “hero” and son, Kayson, who just barely recovered from complications after a minor surgery to end up with the flu! The flu can be very scary for a kid with special needs and I know that. I know that being Ashley’s BFF means one day I might be sitting at a hospital bedside holding my lovely Ashley as she huddles over her lifeless son. We try not to think about that, but it’s a job I willingly signed up for because she is a piece of my heaven on Earth and I’d do anything for her. She’s saved my life again and again by showing up for me when I needed to know I was not alone.

IMG_1825So today, I didn’t care what was going on in my world, when I heard “flu” I just put on my boots and my “messy bun” do and ran right over there to just show up because I know how it feels when one thing after another after another goes wrong, and your faith is wavering, and you just need someone to look you in the eye and say, “Hey, I know this sucks. I’m here. We’ll get through it together. You’re NOT in this alone.” I brought her a donut and another friend sent chocolates and I stood in the rain outside her door and I told Ashley she could have my arm or my leg if she needed it. She said, thanks for the donut, and I won’t be needing a leg today, but I’ll call you later if I need a margarita or a bag of sand to put my head in.

THIS is how we throw each other ropes. This is how we get through all the hard and wonderful things of life. TOGETHER.

Corina, my BFF Ashley, and a few other amazing loves in my life have fought hard to let me know I’m not alone. They have taught me how to be a better friend, how to show up for others even when it’s hard, how to be relentless in the persistence of SHOWING UP WITH A BASKET OF LOVE AT OTHERS’ DOORSTEPS. Sometimes, when you’re drowning, you don’t even have time to come up for air to figure out what you need or how to get it. It’s those times, you need someone to just show up and bring donuts, or toilet paper, or pizza or soup or kleenex!!!!! More and more, even when we are busy and tired and overwhelmed and sad and hopeless ourselves, we need to “suit up and show up” for every stranger and friend we see drowning, transitioning or fighting their own battle. If nothing else, to hand them an umbrella and stand together beneath it ’til the storms pass.

Get your boots on and your donuts out, and just show up at a doorstep today and see what happens. Or, just open your door and let the person knocking…in. That’s how you save a life…one knock, one heart at a time. ❤

The Safeway Story: Be a Miracle

Do you believe in miracles & magic? Do you believe that without any doing of your own, an opportunity can be put in your path, a promotion can come your way unexpectedly, or a simple, kind gesture from a stranger can completely transform your day?

I believe in miracles, because I have seen they happen to me frequently throughout these last 5 years of loss & hardship.

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Lighting our candle for her best friend this year. She passed away unexpectedly at age 5, when my daughter was a precocious 3 & 1/2. Each year brings new waves of grief for us both in losing this beautiful child.

I was having a particularly rough day last week. Lots of emotions have been hitting on every front, one of which was the anniversary of my daughter’s best friend’s death. After several days of holding my 6-year-old while
she cried, seeing her understand death at a new level now, I was feeling emotionally exhausted. All the memories of the worst conversation of my life, telling her the news, hugging her best friend’s Mom at the service (meeting her for the first time at her daughter’s funeral), and years of her grievous outbursts of pain…all came flooding back.

I went to the grocery store with a tear-stained face, trying to hide my pain from the world. Continue reading

My Most Unusual Gift

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Sometimes I get scared to keep sharing my story, because there are people who see me continually speaking to death and pain, who perceive that to mean that I’m stuck in the grief, not moving on, not living joyfully, dwelling on the past. And it’s perceptions like that, that made me feel like a lecherous Grim Reaper Girl for years.

What these people don’t understand is that these 20+ tragic deaths & 4 years of inconceivable loss were my gift.

Continue reading

How to Overcome Fear & Open Your Gifts – Part II of “Your Gifts” Series

Read Part I of the “Your Gifts” series here: Are You Giving Your Gifts Away?

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So, there you are, standing across from me, holding that beautiful gift of yours, power-packed with 9,001 pieces of you that make you perfectly unique. 9,001 pieces of you that the world needs to see. 9,001 pieces of you that your soul needs to release into the world before it suffocates from self-implosion.

And now you know – YOU KNOW – that if you don’t open the box, and let your gifts out, to share them with me, you may die a slow death of un-expression. Of never truly being seen and heard.

Yet, still, as you begin to hand me the box, you feel that tug of fear weighing on you.

Continue reading